It’s wild to write, and even more wild to say it. To be honest, I haven’t said it a lot. It’s still kind of hard to all the way process.
I’m one year post gastric bypass surgery. I left my stomach in Mexico as we all who have embarked on this journey, like to say. Yes, I was 302 pounds and so unhappy, confused and lost. So, what did I do to change my life, I fly to Mexico with my best friend and had life changing surgery. It’s by far, the best decision I have ever made for myself. I have no regrets, NONE.
Now, I have said this from the beginning, and I’m only speaking for me, this has not been a sexy process. Sure, losing weight is sexy, the numbers dropping on the scale is sexy, fitting into new clothes is sexy…. but, the day to day living after surgery is not sexy. It’s a hard and it takes time to adjust. Even 1 year post, I’m still adjusting. I don’t want to be negative about this and seem like every minute of every day is hard, that isn’t true. But, my life has changed in every way. From what I eat, to how I eat, to how much I eat, to how much I think about eating, the clothes i wear, the clothes I’ve had to donate, the fact that i was once this weight before and felt terrible, to feeling and looking great NOW. I mean it’s such a mixed bag of emotions, feelings, and responses all the time. It’s mind fuck. But, the best mind fuck, life changing and I would do it again and again.
Here is some background context, I have always been overweight, as food was my comfort. I lost my father as a young child, I was 7, and that trauma is what started my relationship with food. Now, I’m not putting blame anywhere but, just simply stating that loss/that trauma, is what triggered my unhealthy relationship with food. I didn’t know it at the time, but food gave me comfort and made me feel better. I was sad, hurt and a confused kid. Food made sense.
So, I navigated through life with all this extra weight/baggage that I thought was helping me. Side note, I was very athletic and an active kid. I was the big girl that could play sports and move pretty good for her size. I also, have a pretty face card, so growing up, I was told a lot that “If you lost weight, you would be so much prettier” or “if you lost weight, you would be so much better at (insert whatever sport I was playing at the time). It was always about if and when I lose weight, my life would some how just start and then be so much better. I think this stunted my personal growth a little, I believed what I was being told, and I it took me a very long time to understand and enjoy this moment. I don’t need to always be looking forward to something happening in order to start living and enjoying the moment.
So, what’s change now, you ask? I have more confidence in the present moment about my life and where I want it go. I’m not waiting on my life to happen, or watching it happen, I’m participating in it and enjoying it in a size medium!!! Now, Let’s be very clear, this is a work in progress, I’m not cured nor perfect. I constantly have to practice this self confidence every moment of everyday and remind myself all the time, that this is your life. What do you want and is it in line with your life goals?
With that, you did it, you’re amazing, and keep doing it. I’m proud of you NeNe.
You’re here for a good time, not a long time…. Be sexy and enjoy the moment.